


Ren, A Battle of Wills

by ArtofLupin



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Fear, Gen, Headcanon, Psychological Torture, Slight spoilers, character psychological study, fear of leadership
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 07:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17555882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtofLupin/pseuds/ArtofLupin
Summary: After Ren Amamiya and his fellow Phantom Thieves come across an ambush, in what originally seemed like a typical palace, they get separated. Joker finds himself wounded, alone and bleeding out in a hallway. While worrying about the fate of companions, little does he know he's about the face his strongest opponent to date.





	Ren, A Battle of Wills

**Author's Note:**

> First fan fic/head cannon I've posted on AO3! Was interested in exploring some of Joker's insecurities as a leader and a person. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! Hope you enjoy!

‘ _The weight is just to much’_  I thought as my legs finally gave out from under me. I rolled my back into a nearby wall and slid to the floor.

__‘I’m alone. If I pass out I doubt the team would find me before a shadow does. So if I stop. I’m as good as dead.’_ _

I tried summoning the strength to get back to my feet but my legs refused. My body protested every movement. I tried to keep pressure on the gash in my side but I could feel the hot blood pouring over my clasped hand.

Makoto tried telling me this one was gonna be bad. Before we launched she asked me to reconsider. I thought she just had nerves. This is the toughest palace we've dealt with to date, but so were all the others when they came up. We thought we were unbeatable. With every passing victory we just gained more and more momentum and popularity. The feeling was intoxicating.

I acted so foolishly. Makoto is our tactician after all. I should have heeded her advice to get more Intel first before going in so deep. The shadows lead us right into a trap and scattered us. They knew that together we were unstoppable, but separate…

I don’t know where my team is. Hell, I don’t even know if anyone is still alive. Some leader I am.

I could feel my energy waning, my breath laboring. Then the room started to feel like some sort of freezer. __‘Am… I dying?’__  I asked myself

“No…you are very much alive… for now at least” said a creaky gentle voice.

I looked in the direction of the sound and saw a black figure in the door way. Not a silhouette, but like some sort of dark cloud in the rough shape of a man. Fog was filling the corridor where I sat but the black cloud remained concentrated, swarm like, in the door’s threshold.

“What the hell are you?” I asked in the most assertive voice I could muster. Trying not to give away how much pain I was in

The voice didn’t respond to my question and continued to hover in place.

“Answer me damn it!” I shouted

Still no response from the mass. I tried peering into it and I saw something with human like legs, but it was to hard to tell due to the density of fog. “Are you deaf or something?” I shouted again.

The cloud started moving closer to me, the air getting thicker. Then a sudden booming voice that didn’t feel like it originated from just the cloud, but the whole room somehow “I don’t answer to you little boy”

A subtle sound of claws dragging across the stone wall to my left began. The opposite way I was looking towards the door. Then a voice, that sounded like my own, spoke to me from that same direction in a calm, level way. “Are you proud?”

I swung my head towards it “What?”

“I asked you, are you proud? Isn't this what you wanted?” the voice continued.

“I don’t understand” I answered

“You wanted to rebel against society right? What you felt like was wrong with the world. The people you deemed ‘evil’.” It replied. Still keeping it’s composure in, what almost felt like, a mocking way.

“What the hell are you going on about? Look, if you're gonna kill me just cut to the chase already.” I glanced back toward the black mass creeping ever closer to me from the door way.

“You know what I’m talking out Ren. You got what you wanted. But you’ve disappointed everyone in the process. The people you love, the people you ‘fought’ to protect.” the voice explained

I felt a shiver down my spine. The voice continued “What is justice? Hmm? What is right then? Do you claim to suddenly know better than everyone? If that so, then what makes you better then the people whose hearts you’ve changed? They were simply doing what they felt right as well. Weren't they?”

My head slumped to my chest “They were hurting people”

“Of course. They were hurting people. Good thing you never have, right? Like taking Kamoshida's career from him. Or the fame of a deserving artist.”

__‘What is this?’__ I wondered. ‘ _ _Is this a shadow?’__

“They were twisted. They raped and stole. We stopped them from destroying others for their own gain.”

I heard a sudden ****bang****  on the wall to my right “We!” I reeled from the sudden shout “There you are showing your true colors again. You coward. Continuing to hide behind others with that word. We! Not we, you did. You ordered a group of misguided teens to destroy!” The voice shouted

My resentment towards this disembodied voice started to slide more and more into genuine fear. “We are a team. My friends wanted to be a part of this!” I protested

“Friends?!” The voice roared in laughter. “Your delusion knows no bounds does it? You think these people are your friends? You gave them powers beyond belief. Of course they will stay around you to see what else they can get. To feel like heroes or something right?”

The air felt like it was being pulled out from my lungs. I could feel cold griping my bones like a hand composed only clammy ice. A sudden whisper rang in my right ear “Just say you were wrong and beg for forgiveness already.”

“Ugh! Shut the hell up!” I protested

“All you have to do, is give…up. You were wrong. You just have to say it then it stops” The whisper continued. It felt like it was getting closer and closer.

“I can’t do that”

“You can’t… or you won’t?” the whisper’s soft voice echoed in my ear

I could hardly make out the corridor at all now. The fog was so dense I could barely make out the stone floor.

“Ren, you’ve made a mistake.” The original voice explained. “It happens. That’s ok. You remember where your place is. Now grovel and beg for it back. Show your true self. The sad, misguided, little boy. Or are you waiting for mommy and daddy to do it for you?”

It was getting difficult to tell apart my own thoughts from the two voices now. They almost sounded on and the same.

“Sad boy sad boy…” The whisper in my right ear mocked “Sad boy, just say your sorry and go back to your corner. Where you belong. You know you like it there. Its safe there… you don’t have to think there…”

My back felt numb. I stopped feeling the throbbing from my wound a while ago, and noticed my clasping hand has fallen to my side. “I…don’t…want…to…go…back” I weakly protested.

Another smack on the wall to my right “You will and you'll be thankful for it boy!” Another voice boomed.

The room was black now. I couldn’t even tell the difference between up or down, or if I was even sitting up right anymore. My chest felt heavy and my blood ran cold as ice. I felt a new presence on my shoulders. Like two birds landed on them gently. They felt welcoming.

“Just come back. You know you want to. You know it’s right” Said the whisper

“I won’t” I moaned pathetically

“Why are you being so mean to me Ren? Why would you be so mean?” the whisper asked. In a near motherly tone. “You know I love you, why do you hate me?”

I could feel the birds walking along on my shoulders. Moving closer to my head. “I don’t hate you…” I breathed

“Why are you acting so mean to me Ren? Why are you so angry? Why are you treating me so poorly?”

“You brought it on yourself… you made your choices… and I've made mine”

“What good does that do you? You’re no hero Ren. Come here. Come and make things right. Stop being so mean Ren” I could feel the whisper’s breath on my neck

“I'm…not…a villain”

“You certainly are acting like one.” the level voice chimed. Meanwhile, the two birds had reached my neck and I started to feel a tickled around my throat.

“I am not a villain” I repeated

“Yes you-”

I cut it off “I. Am. Not. A . Villain”

“Ren-” It protested

A spark rose within me. Small. Subtle. But there. “I do what I know to be right.”

“You-”

“I fight for love, I fight for justice. I fight for equality.” My voice grew in strength and vigor

Another bang on the wall “You know nothing boy!” The third, gruffer, voice boomed

I grinned. Then chuckled. Then laughed “Why do you laugh at me?” Asked the whisper

I continued my laughter “Is it that I know nothing, or is it that you’re to afraid to face the facts? That’s why you hide in the shadows. Because you’re to afraid face the truth. Because you’re the real coward here.”

“Enough!” The voice shouted again. I could feel tightening around my throat.

“I'm not hiding.” I shouted with what little breath I had “You are. I'm not in the shadows. You are. I’m not the one cowering in fear. You are.” The spark grew bigger and bigger within me. I could start to feel my limbs again. The gash in my side again.

“I'm not a fool. I'm just trying. And I'm not afraid anymore. I'm just done with you!” I screamed

The pressure on my neck grew and grew till I couldn’t breath anymore. I was starting to gag, I had to do something or I was dead. I reached into my holster and pulled out my pistol. Focusing my blurry eyes the best I could, I could see something big and solid in-front of me. Without hesitation I aimed, and kept pulling the trigger till the bullets ran out.

With every bullet that landed in the mass I heard a shrieks of pain emanating from all three voices. Cries of pain echoed in the chamber and in my ears. The fog began to dissipate and so did the black cloud. Which I then realized was right on top of me. Obscuring my vision.

Once everything settled I saw in-front of me a thin, humanoid looking, black figure. The monster was mostly featureless except for big, slender hands and a huge mask on its face. The mask looked like and snarling dragon with massive eyes, and now, about nine bullet holes riddled its face.

I sighed with relief. Still high from the adrenaline I tried once again to get muster the strength to stand but my legs still wouldn't even move.

“Ren! Joker! Are you here?!” I heard yelling down the hall.

“In here!” I shouted back.

I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw the team round the corner. Lead by Mona and Ryuji

“Joker!” Cried Mona “what happened to you?!” They sprinted down the hall and surrounded me. Haru knelt down next to me, assessing my injuries. I looked at her and could see that she had been through an ordeal as well. She was missing a glove and she had a couple of slashes running across her stomach.

Yusuke noticed the masked figure “What in the world is that?”

“I don’t know,” said Mona “It has to be a shadow right?”

“There’s no time for that right now, we need to get joker out of here.” Makoto explained

“Guys…” I addressed the group “Guys I'm sorry.”

“It was a trap man. No once could have predicted that” Ryuji said keeling down next to me

“No. Makoto tried to warn me… to be more careful. I was wrong. You all could have been killed.”

Makoto joined us on the floor “It’s ok Ren. We are all ok. A little dinged up but alive. But you need help right now. Let us help you”

I nodded “Ryuji, get is left and I’ll get his right” Makoto ordered. They lifted me up and onto their shoulders.

“Were gonna get out of here brother.” Ryuji grunted under my weight “We’ve always got your back”

Once again reunited with my team, with my family, we limped out of that nightmare. Beaten and battered, but alive. And that’s all that counted.

 


End file.
